Argh. I feel so trapped lately. Like i have kids that I have to worry about and they are slowing me down with things that I want to do. Mind you, I love kids, and I want them fairly young, but I want to explore first and then have them and explore with them.

I want to go to university and study abroad. I feel like I can not do that though, I pretty much have a family with my boyfriend, dog and cat, so I have to think about them, not to mention and my boyfriends job is not easily move-able. Which sucks, because I really, really, really want to travel and see the world but it doesn't look like I am going to get that chance. I hate saying that to my boyfriend, because I know he feels bad but sometimes I can't help it, I keep hoping that he will be like 'YEAHH LETS GO, FUCK EVERYTHING!' But that just would not be fair to him. I feel like he is doing and getting everything he wants and I just have to try and fit my life around his where ever I can. Which in the end will make his life fantastic and fulfilling, and mine pretty dull and mediocre. Which is so not living life to the fullest.  I don't want to look back on my life and say 'I wish I did this and this and this' I want to look back and say 'That was fucking awesome'. I hope I find a way to make this work. Maybe he would agree to a temporary break? But I don't know if that if something I want. I just want to drag him and the animals everywhere with me. 
 
 

I don't care when people have parties and make tons of noise, I don't care if people are fighting, I don't care about loud music. But fuck, why are you shooting off fire works on a Tuesday?? I vill kill.

I went shopping today! I don't shop too often, but I just got a new job and it is so close to great clothing stores and I accidentally keep spending my tip money there. Sadly, I am awful at buying clothes (which is why I never shop) I am terrible at matching and finding what looks good on me, I just buy random things and a bunch of plain shirts, I end up making a perfectly me-like unmatching outfit. I just a lot of stares. I wonder if it is because I am dressed like an overgrown 4 year old who failed at dressing themselves and covered in tattoos. I get some weird looks. Oddly enough I am a hairstylist, I am supposed to be good at this stuff. But no. Not one bit!

I love hair styling, I love cutting hair. I wish it paid more though. I mean I get paid pretty well for a 23 year old with a dog and a cat. But if I accidentally got knocked up once or twice I would be fucked. Completely fucked. I would never be able to travel. I have never left the country and I want to see the world, and when I have children I want to take them to see the world. I don't believe that when you have children you should stop living and stop your entire life, that is not the way life works. You take them with you and show them the world. Yes life if different when kids, but you still have to make it worth it. Which is why I think about going back to school and maybe taking computer science or computer engineering. To bad there are sooo many different computer courses. I really would like to do something IT related, but I don't want to just go do some college program, I want to get a University degree so in the end I actually have multiple options instead of just a few. I can never make up my mind on what to do though. In the past year I have a 6 or 7 COMPLETELY different career paths that I was interested in. I think I just really want to have the university experience more then anything. Too bad I probably never will. My high school grades were terrible because I went to terrible schools and the teachers were awful. They kind of just made be feel like I was a complete idiot all the time (I hate the school system, but I won't get in to that right now). I am trying to upgrade but it is so expensive and working full time makes it so hard. If they were classes that you go to it would be better, but I am just doing the at home courses. I guess I could be doing it right now...but instead I am doing this and watching friends. 

ANYWAY, I am sweating and I really want some chocolate so I will get it. Yum. I really should go rock climbing instead, but no, chocolate is where its at.

Peace out hoes.

PS: Why can't I call people cunts if I want to? Stupid 
 
 
I do not have unbelievably low self esteem, I am actually fairly confident most of the time, obviously I have my low days, but who does not? People who judge books by their cover (I am guilty for that) usually think I am either a super bitch because I rarely talk to them and when I do it comes out very awkward, or they think that I am crazy super shy.
Well I am neither. I rarely talk when I first meet people because I am not a great conversationalist so I just end up looking like an idiot. I also have trouble trying to be interested in what new people are taking about, I find my self saying "yeah, oh cool, ya that is great..oh oops I mean that's awful". I am not really sure if I reply like that due to the possibility of me having ADD or due to the face that I am actually a bitch and I just do not care about what the person is getting on with.

I am also not as negative as I made my self out to be on the main page. Granted, you will probably only see negativity here because this will hopefully be my new ranting place!

Anyway, this is a short one because it took be about 2 hours to find a decent website that looked some what cool and not overly confusing. I somehow got lost on tumblr, that is probably because it is 1:30 in the morning and I am super tired, because usually I am pretty decent when it comes to computers. So bed time, I need some sleep because tomorrow is going to be a super rad day filled with gun shooting and then rock climbing! Woo!