Argh. I feel so trapped lately. Like i have kids that I have to worry about and they are slowing me down with things that I want to do. Mind you, I love kids, and I want them fairly young, but I want to explore first and then have them and explore with them.

I want to go to university and study abroad. I feel like I can not do that though, I pretty much have a family with my boyfriend, dog and cat, so I have to think about them, not to mention and my boyfriends job is not easily move-able. Which sucks, because I really, really, really want to travel and see the world but it doesn't look like I am going to get that chance. I hate saying that to my boyfriend, because I know he feels bad but sometimes I can't help it, I keep hoping that he will be like 'YEAHH LETS GO, FUCK EVERYTHING!' But that just would not be fair to him. I feel like he is doing and getting everything he wants and I just have to try and fit my life around his where ever I can. Which in the end will make his life fantastic and fulfilling, and mine pretty dull and mediocre. Which is so not living life to the fullest.  I don't want to look back on my life and say 'I wish I did this and this and this' I want to look back and say 'That was fucking awesome'. I hope I find a way to make this work. Maybe he would agree to a temporary break? But I don't know if that if something I want. I just want to drag him and the animals everywhere with me. 
1/21/2014 15:18:23

Stop making excuses for yourself and go travel. You're young right? Nobody's holding you back but yourself and your excuses. Save up some money, bring doggie and kittie to mom and dad's and go. Maybe you and your bf will be back together after maybe you won't. It wasn't meant to be then. See the world. When you're 70 would you rather say "I wish I did that, now it's too late" or "I'm so glad I made my own decision and traveled all over and had all those brilliant experiences". You'll regret it if you don't, I guarantee it. Your 20's go by fast if you keep waiting they'll be gone. Stop thinking about why you can't do it and start thinking why you CAN'T NOT do it. all the best.


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